WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
