I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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