Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She said her name was "party"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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