That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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