great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
