I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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