Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize