im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
