Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
