morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
