Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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