he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
