no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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