You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
