you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
