I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
