Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
