I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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