he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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