So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
