guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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