with your own penis?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
