Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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