After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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