After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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