oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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