there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
