Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
