and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize