Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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