i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
