I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's always time for handjobs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
