so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
