you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
