Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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