he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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