So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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