I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
