Its about making memories worth repressing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
