my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
