Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
