he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
