is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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