So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
