So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i drank out of a bidet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize