Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love you.
Bad choice
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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