She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
