Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
