A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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