I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
