Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
