The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
