So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
