Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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