'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
