It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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