Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Vodka?
Forever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
