My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
