3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
