You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
