I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize