Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
