I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
