You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize